I just got back from the gym. This was an enlightening morning, due in part to me dumping some 'questionable' songs from my playlist. I didn't realize they fell into this category until I had them 'in my ear'. I am not the sort to purposely listen to below standards music but had left them on there like a dummy. I filled up my playlist with revival hymns. I know, doesn't sound like good quick tempo-ed music. And it really wasn't but it did give my mind a chance to meditate as I repetitiously worked on the elliptical machine.
I have another question for you today as I absolutely love reading your responses.
What are you doing all of this for? I mean really. What is it that truly absolutely motivates you to change; to continue on; to work through the struggle and pain that sometimes accompanies life? Why do you fight to improve your life, your health? I am not necessarily talking about your eternal perspective here. Of course, that is a HUGE part of it and I mean in no way to downplay or degrade that. But sometimes, at least to me, it seems so abstract. It's hard to focus on something like that at times when there are just soooo many distractions. There are just too many things I feel I should be doing and I feel like I'm failing much of the time. I don't want to feel that way. I recognize it is a tool that satan (yes, I meant to not capitalize that and never do) uses against me. I want to remove that power from him. The only way I've found that I can is to get to work. Well, sometimes getting to work seems extraordinarily difficult without a motivating factor. I am a goal oriented, passion driven person. I have to know why I am doing something. I have to feel it. It's a strength that can also be a weakness when I lose my focus. I have been struggling with the latter and praying to find new focus and reason to continue on. The answers were not really coming, even with a temple visit included. Why was I doing all of this? The homeschooling, home cooking, food storing, money saving, exercising? Why?!? It is so hard to keep up with and I feel so behind and failing. I had lost my vision for my life and that of my family's which was once so clear.
(I don't mean I won't walk blindly, in faith. I just know for me, having a sense of purpose makes all the difference.)
Today, on that elliptical machine while texting with my brother 600 miles away, it hit me. You know the kind. The 'feel-it-tingle-from-head-to-toe-but-somehow-equally-quiet, almost DNA changing, resolution kind. It's not even a new revelation, but I had lost the 'feeling' of it.
I am doing all of this so that I am AWAKE, as the scriptures admonish us to be, and PREPARED! I am determined to be strong enough to not only endure the last days, but to endure them well. And strong enough in all area's of my life.
I had forgotten that Heavenly Father, truly does bless every effort to improve ourselves and will magnify that.
I can't express how encouraged I am to be surrounded by like-minded women, even if it is only through a computer. I am strengthened by you. Your focus, your passion, your gifts and work ethic truly amaze me. We are a part of something wonderful. Yes, scary at times, but truly awesome. We get to do this together! We aren't Noah or Enoch. We aren't alone with our little families. Isn't that incredible?
Why are YOU doing this? (Whatever your 'this' may be.)
Doctrine & Covenants 89: 18-19
"And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures."